F is for Foots: Left & Right — A letter of warning

To the Foots – both Right Foot and and Left Foot

Ref: Final Warning for Infringement of the Pedis Code

You are hereby given notice that a charge of failing to adhere to the  Recognised Universal Pedis Code (RUPC) has again been made against you. As this is the third such complaint of inappropriate conduct within the space of just three months, any further breach will result in charges of unlawful behaviour and creating a public nuisance.

You are reminded that according to the stipulations of the RUPC,  you are required to remain firmly planted on the ground unless participating in other legally sanctioned functions, whether these be primary duties (kicking a ball, operating pedals and conducting all manner of transportation ), behaviours of a secondary nature (rubbing cheekily against a partner’s leg, warming oneself by a blazing fire) , or the tertiary traits allowed only occasionally  (being annoying  in bed by positioning yourself when cold against a toasty warm buttock, using big toe as a motivational device for others).

Under no circumstance is positioning yourself in your owner’s mouth acceptable.

Any future infringements of this nature will be dealt with severely.

Song of the Day: Something Stupid — Frank & Nancy Sinatra (1967)

Question of the day:  RUPC — Do you comply?