The first time anyone
told me I was fail as a mother was
back when the man-child was only in Year Six. My crime was the patent child-abuse
of not allowing him to have a computer or a gaming console in
his bedroom. Truly. It’s a wonder there weren’t social workers beating our door
down.
Nonetheless, a huge
amount of angst was created when his peers declared me a fail tightarse, assuring
him that they would totally own him
in no time. Nice boys they were. And every one of them from a very non-fail
family. Indeed, one of them was blessed with a mother who was so NOT fail that she was unfazed by the nudie
pics he had chosen to plaster his room with, because…well.. you know…
boys will be boys.
But as the kids get
older, I’m fail a lot more. A whole
lot more.
Yesterday I was fail after devoting the day to
repurposing odds and sods into one of Andie’s ‘volcanic ensembles’ from Pretty in Pink . (Today’s fundraiser at
school is ‘Come as your favourite movie character or actor.’)
The day before that I
was fail because the sport uniform
that had not been put in the laundry was still dirty.
And the day before
that I was fail because nobody else really felt like smoked chicken and
spinach pasta for dinner.
So in an attempt to
remind myself that there are ways I can avoid being epic fail all the time, or at everything, I
thought I might just make a quick list of ten things I need to remember I’m a
little bit crap at. So here goes.
I’m just a bit shit at:
1.
mind
reading
2.
being in
three places at once
3.
caring if
the exact item of clothing required at any given second has been ironed
4.
not
getting annoyed when the dog decorates the house with slobbery fragments of the
leftover lunches — both foodstuffs and wrappings—it found under the bed/in the bottom of a school bag/in the overflowing bin of someone’s bedroom
5.
realising
that we have run out of a metric fuckton of things that nobody put on the
shopping list
6.
remembering
everyone else’s daily timetable
7.
whipping
up cordon bleu meals every night
8.
having the
car radio on the right station
9.
comprehending
how the world can turn simultaneously around each and every teenager in the
universe
10.
being
invisible on demand.
I’m sure there's plenty more I could add, but I reckon that will give me enough to work on for now. Wish me
luck!
