X is for Xerox machine — a farewell letter.

 Cute huh!?— Widely available Internet butt photocopy pic.

Dear Xerox machine
I hear on the grapevine that you're being retired,replaced with a newer model. Sux to be you. But I just need to check in with you on a couple of matters before you go.

Firstly, what happens in the photo-copying room stays in the photocopying room...OK?? You've heard a lot of dirt about pretty much everyone in the office over the years, especially that knob in accounts who keeps trying to crack-on to Siobhan. What a dick. And I know you've stood quietly by as I obsessed about more than one love interest. I've even cried about a couple. Thanks for not passing judgement.Please understand that I'd just dissolve into a pathetic embarrassed puddle if anyone found out. You DO get that, don't you??

 I also suspect you've witnessed a few games of tonsil hockey in your time. Am I right? Maybe even stood by as a few couples got past first base. Well, you're not going to pass-on any of that stuff in your exit interview are you? Or tell the new machine? I, for one, would be forever grateful if you'd keep it all to yourself. I kinda like this job, even if you have heard me refer to my boss as a fussy old cow ... and worse... Much worse

Ewwwwwww... Borrowed from Pikdit images from reddit.

    
Secondly, I want to give you a heads-up that Gerry from the sales department is planning a celebration in the staff lounge this Friday because Stephanie has been promoted. You know what happened last time Gerry was in charge of Friday drinks. Ewwww! So be prepared. Maybe it'd be a good idea to blow a circuit or something.

Anyway, thank you for all the support you've given me. Good luck in the future and I hope you don't get melted down.
 Your colleague,
  Sally from the Print Room

Song of the Day: Queen, Fat Bottomed Girls (1978)


Question of the Day: Got any stories that only the Xerox machine knows?