Saturday, 4 April 2015

D is for dogs — a letter of response



Dearest doggie-darls
Whilst our media advisers have suggested that we should not risk damage to our on-line profile by publicly responding to your recent deplorable attempt to flame us, we are confident that our overwhelming presence in social media affords us the luxury of a rebuttal without fear of being in any way diminished. And as this communication forms part of a blogging challenge, we have deemed it desirable to do so by dismissing you with a dominance of d-words.
D is for dirty and disgusting: Dogs smell. You cheerfully pass wind in public and, to be utterly frank, entire breeds are guilty of eating poo. And please don’t attempt to deride us for having our dainty noses in the air when your method of greeting each other is nothing short of detestable.
D is for downright dominated: Dogs are willing victims of mind control. You openly demean yourselves for food and allow humans to dress you in stupid clothes. Have you no dignity?
D is for disruptive delinquents: Dogs disturb the peace with their dreadful barking. They also steal from their humans and bury the ill-gotten spoils, demonstrating a despicable lack of respect.
D is for deluded defectives: Dogs mistakenly believe that they offer more valuable friendship and comfort than we do. Totally barking up the wrong tree there you slavering fools… We will explain this to you in four short syllables — Dogs. Cannot. Purr.
D is for deceitful dimwits: Dogs use their tails to deliberately mislead others. Those wagging appendages of which you are so proud are nothing more than defective barometers. Wise up, dudes. Some days truly suck. Get some discernment.
We're going to sign off with one of our greatest social media hits , and  whilst it is our devout hope that you enjoy the song of the day… we’ll be waving our paws in the air coz we just don’t care.


 

And so the D-Dangerous question: Who won the debate?


12 comments:

  1. Pluto thinks cats is bitches and need to use a publicist so they lose. Bongo on the other paw thinks Pluto is uncouth and is totally on Team Meowing for all the reasons outlined above and also for some others (valid reasons not detailed, of the puppy variety that he is forced to endure). The Household at Porter Street is split.
    xxSoph of www.porterstreethouse.blogspot.com

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    1. We're a house divided too... but don't tell the girls that!

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  2. Replies
    1. ...but they're busy waving their paws in the air!

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  3. Go the Cats. That's the feline kind of cats, not the Geelong kind of cats.

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    1. I knew you'd be on their team... It's the independent thing, isn't it?

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  4. I'm going with the dogs. So what if they eat s**t! It is a tough cookie that is not melted by those liquid brown eyes!

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    1. Well on behalf of the canines, thank you so very much. Good to know there are still some soft touches in the world!.

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  5. Oh NO they didn't!! That's exactly what I imagine cats would sound like...
    I'm a dog person, so obviously, you know what I would vote.

    @TarkabarkaHolgy from
    Multicolored Diary - Epics from A to Z
    MopDog - 26 Ways to Die in Medieval Hungary

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    1. ...yeah... they just couldn't keep the claws in...

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  6. This is a tough one. Our cat is right by my side now so I have to be careful... My dog in heaven is looking down on me... I have all eyes and ears on me. It is a tie!

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    1. ....very diplomatic...
      Or cowardly ;-)

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