"I'm not racist, but..."

I don’t remember what prompted me to comment about Australia. I don’t even remember what I said. But I do regret that I said it… whatever it was…

We were in the staffroom at The Old Royal Naval College — some twelve of us, mostly volunteers — awaiting the morning briefing. 

Non-volunteers go by the exalted title of Ambassadors. Basically, they do the same things as we non-exalted volunteers, except that they get to Ambass around with a two-way radio. 

Well, that and they get paid an hourly rate for Ambassing.

That morning was my first session with the Education team, none of whom I’d met before. All of whom know each other. I’d never been to a morning briefing either and am always always anxious and uncomfortable with unfamiliar places and people.

A feeling that was not relieved when everyone turned to look at me as I came in through the door, but only one person greeted me.

Artist's impression of Chris the Ambassador

So, anyway, I made my totally forgettable comment about having recently returned from a trip home to Australia —an inept attempt to join in the conversation, which was probably about the unseasonably warm morning. And one of the Ambassadors (let’s call him Chris, because I think that’s actually his name) commented,

‘Oh, we’ve had a lot of Australians in the Painted Hall this week.’

That’s nice, I thought, he’s noticed. I spoke to a few Aussie couples in there this week too.

But before I could respond with an anecdote or even acknowledge that he’d spoken to me,

‘That’s why our takings are down this week, you know,’ Chris snorted. ‘Australians are cheap. They’re all keen to do the tour until they find out they have to pay. Then they just complain it’s too expensive and walk away.’

Dramatic recreation of  gobsmacked volunteer

I was gobsmacked.

Affronted.

Stunned.

How to respond to that?

It struck me as a pretty unorthodox way for an Ambassador to make a volunteer feel like part of the team.

I’ve met plenty of other stereotypes about we Aussies: we’re crude, we’re uncultured, we’re drunks. We’re naïves who drift around on an island at the bottom of the planet unaware of the way the rest of the world functions.

In fact, I recently happened upon this in an article about Agatha Christie:

Christie relies on certain stock traits for her characters of different nationalities. The French are hotheaded, Scots are thrifty, and Australians are simple.

http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20180907-agatha-christie-shaped-how-the-world-sees-britain

Ignorant. Maybe.

But cheap?

Really?

I find that hard to swallow.

A British boar

Let's face it, those simple skinflints from Downunder have paid not insignificant airfares to travel from the other side of the globe for a holiday, and then come to see Christopher Wren-designed buildings of British cultural significance.

I’ve met plenty of native Londoners who’ve never in their London-lived lives made the 10-kilometre journey to Greenwich to see those self-same buildings.
It's also kind of weird because the people I talk to are in the Painted Hall on the tour they're too tight to fork out £10 to do.

But I didn't say that.

I didn’t cripple Chris with a witty retort or slay him with a sarcastic comeback.

I merely responded with something disappointingly limp.

And polite.

Then I slunk off to the briefing feeling both conspicuous and uncomfortable.

Wishing I hadn’t spoken.

But the question remains: are Aussies cheap?