Thursday, 13 April 2017

K = Kinky bits




The clip from Kinky Boots has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of this post, it's just that I thought I'd start with something upbeat after yesterday's discussion about dead stuff. 

Well, that and I figured some people might be a bit startled if any of the other images I plan to feature popped up first in their feed. 
Japanese sex aids, undated.

These...ummm...thought-provoking objects feature in the Beginning of Life cabinet of the Wellcome Collection. 
I'm assuming that the guiding principle used by the curator to select these objects is the supposition that lots of lives begin as the end product of foreplay and titillation.
Fair enough. 

The carefully partitioned box pictured contains a selection of decidedly unflexible and undoubtedly very cold sex aids. And it strikes me that one would struggle to keep this jumbo-sized wooden chest delicately secreted in one's bedside table. 
Nothing says passion-killer more than, 'Hold on while I winch out some freezing metal balls for your pleasure.'


Cowrie shell snuff container
This next set of objects is far more discreet. 
The first is a handpainted gentleman's snuff box made from a cowrie shell set with silver. But not just any old cowrie shell — a rather seductively shaped Indochinese humpbacked cowrie shell.

Each time said-gentleman fancied an uplifting whiff of snuff, he would also get an uplifting eyeful of a teeny weeny fully-dressed bloke undoing the chastity belt of a teeny weeny fully undressed chick. 
Portrait of husband and wife, do you think?



Erotic scenes in hinged Chinese porcelain fruit.
I like to imagine that these walnut-sized naughties belonged to a very proper Victorian hottie, who kept them on a shelf just out of reach of the children.
Oh what a cheeky surprise for the new chambermaid going about her daily dusting when she flipped open the dear little ornaments, a peach, a pepper and a tiny melon, to find they contain hidden erotica. Itsy-bitsy porcelain cupie dolls engaged in foreplay. 
Such fun!


Graeco-Roman bronze amulet,
100BCE  –  400CE
Naturally, I have saved the best till last. 
See those ...ahem.. dangly bits on this ancient good luck charm? And what about the chain and ring at the top? 
Does that give you a clue about the likely purpose of this penis with legs and a tail? This, running dick, if you will.
Yes, it's a wind chime.
Ancient Roman households had them dangling about the villa to ward off potential nasties. 
This amulet clearly once jingled out the message: stay away or our rampant phallus will hunt you down!
In my alternate fact universe, however, this object would most definitely have been a door bell.




During the month of April, I am participating in the Blogging from A–Z Challenge.

33 comments:

  1. This was um... educational. In all seriousness, though. I found this very interesting. I guess people haven't changed all that much over the years. Even without the internet porn was a thing.

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    Replies
    1. Yep, I'm pretty sure cavepeople did dick and ball drawings.
      Thanks for visiting.

      Delete
  2. That's going to be the title of my new international best-seller...
    "The Running Penis"
    Man, I am ready for the book tour already!

    (oh, and... "winching out some freezing metal balls for ... pleasure" is more popular than you might think. Altho' I grant you, it's kind of a niche audience...) ;-p

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    Replies
    1. You're welcome.
      Will I get a signed copy.

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    2. ?
      please substitute in place of errant fullstop

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    3. Signed copy and high standing in the acknowledgements for being my inspiration!
      ;-D

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  3. first of all I loved the clip of kinky boots - I have got to see that one day.
    Second of all.....brrrrrrr.....for all the metal, er, um, doodads!

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    Replies
    1. Kinky Boots is joyous and sing-along fabulous. You would love it. I can get cheap front row tickets if you like. Pick a day.

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    2. BL-
      Take her up on this offer!
      The show is fantastic!
      (sorry for butting in - I do that in grocery stores, too...)

      Delete
    3. as soon as I can get to London you are on!

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    4. You, me and Judy... girls' night out

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  4. I love that you decided to do this post. It feels like at some point we got more repressed about stuff like this. It also illustrates how manufacturing and technology have made things more... comfortable, shall we say? (Checking in from the A to Z Challenge. Hang in there!)

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  5. Thanks for visiting. I figured by this far into the challenge anyone who has been following me would be up for this topic... and any new visitors would get a good idea of just what sort of writer I am.

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  6. Interesting door bell lol. I'm in Euston a lot at the moment visiting my grandson. Maybe I need to make a detour one day.

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    Replies
    1. We live really close to Euston, Wendy.
      Let's meet for a cuppa soon.

      Delete
  7. Funny and educational...now that's a job well done.
    Can't stop giggling at the idea of the last on your list (the chime) being used as a door knob...if you get my drift.
    Cheers for this.
    K is for Khamir

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    Replies
    1. Vey glad it made you giggle.
      I aim to please.

      Delete
  8. Basic instincts, I believe have transcended generations...no wonder then all these quirky items belong to yesteryear! Could not stop giggling at the thought of chambermaid discovering the hidden porcelain cupie dolls.....
    ------------------------------------------------
    Anagha From Team MocktailMommies
    Collage Of Life

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    Replies
    1. Can't you just see the shocked look on her face...

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    2. Thanks for dropping by to say hello.

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  9. What a delight this post was. Where on earth did you find all these items? such fun. I'm definitely coming back for more tomorrow.
    Karma #Lexicon of Leaving

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    Replies
    1. Cannot promise that all posts will be cheeky, but I am glad you called in and left me such a lovely message.

      Delete
  10. Well, THAT woke me up! Hilarious!

    A-Z Shoes: http://repeatsamb.blogspot.com/p/a-z-fluevogs.html
    A-Z Trucks: https://annembray.wordpress.com/a-to-z-challenge-2017/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How are you up to S and T??
      Have I been asleep and missed a week??
      Man, I knew I was disorganised, but...

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  11. Replies
    1. It is very special, isn't out!?
      Thanks for visiting.
      Hope you're enjoying the AtoZ.

      Delete
  12. HAHA! This is my favourite post of the alphabet so far! I love your 'passion killer' line Wendy! You have a wonderful way with words that has me roaring my head off! Thank you so much for entertaining us as well as educating us! :-)

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    Replies
    1. Now how did I know this one would tickle your fancy?!?

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    2. Because I am such a perv!! :-)

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  13. Replies
    1. It's not unique, either. Wellcome has others I could have featured. It was a toss up between this one and the phallus with wings.

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  14. Interesting objects. I definitely learned something today… (Mostly that I'm glad I wasn't alive during that time!)

    With Love,
    Mandy

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