Wednesday, 26 November 2014

...the pedant, the precise and the specific

My interest was aroused when the radio announcer said that after the news, he was going to give away tickets to tonight's public lecture by the fascinating and erudite Simon Winchester. Great. I might just try my luck at that. Nothing better than a freebie. 

And then he said the title of the event:The Pedant, The Precise and the Specific. I stopped. Stunned. Stunned and a little confused. I mean, seriously, who would waste a perfectly good night that could be spent Dancing with the Stars or playing a Game of Thrones to attend an evening's entertainment called The Pedant, The Precise and the Specific. Who would choose to be locked in a room full of nitpickers? 

Horrifying images began to besiege me of long rows of Oxford Dictionary clutching self-proclaimed language purists who bore the barcodes off every single supermarket worker who is unlucky enough to be spending a shift on the Express Checkout under the sign that reads: 10 Items or Less
'Of course it should be fewer you know,' they carp through their smug priggish smiles as they hitch up their smarty-britches.'Fewer NOT less." 
Every. Stinking. Time. 
While the checkout operator responds with:

I shuddered at blood-chilling glimpses of a mass of dogmatists in brown cardigans and baggy-arsed tartan slacks who long for this to be true:

I shook away glimpses into a whole room of fully-grown people who would NEVER have seen this.

And the spectre of a lecture theatre crammed full of fastidious fusspots who most certainly fold rather than scrunch was enough to make me hyperventilate. 
Nope, forget those free tickets. Clever and all as Simon Winchester is, that public lecture was not for me. I decided to save my 30cents.

And if you've made it this far, you deserve this:

Oh...PS. I misheard the title of the lecture, it was The Pedant, The Precise and the PACIFIC... Shoot me now.


  1. Thanks for a good belly laugh as I head off to work this morning. Sometimes the stuff we think we hear is WAY better than the reality of a situation.

    1. I was determined to try to embed some clips... glad you enjoyed them.

  2. Very funny. I loved that last sketch, as well as your dry sense of humour!